英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)匯總

　　下面是學(xué)習(xí)啦小編整理的英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)大全，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)一：可憐的男人

　　A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

　　Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

　　The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

　　Bartender: "That should make you happy."

　　The man: "No, the month is up today!"

　　一個(gè)男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

　　酒吧招待：“你怎么了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”

　　男人：“我們吵了一架，她說(shuō)一個(gè)月都不跟我說(shuō)話(huà)。”

　　酒吧招待：“那你應(yīng)該高興才是啊!”

　　男人：“不，今天是這個(gè)月的最后一天。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)二：太黑了，看不見(jiàn)

　　After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

　　晚飯后，父親和母親都忙著和客人玩麻將，這時(shí)母親忽然想起點(diǎn)兒事來(lái)，便對(duì)正在看電視的兒子說(shuō)道：“寶貝，去看看廚房里的燈是不是還開(kāi)著呢?” 過(guò)了一會(huì)兒，兒子回來(lái)說(shuō)：“媽?zhuān)瑥N房里太黑了，我根本就看不見(jiàn)。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)三：One real man

　　The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴(yán)格地，嚴(yán)厲地).

　　Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

　　It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

　　Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　一個(gè)真正的男子漢

　　古代有一個(gè)國(guó)王，他想證明他領(lǐng)土內(nèi)的男人并非像人們傳說(shuō)的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國(guó)里所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說(shuō)，哪個(gè)男人膽敢不說(shuō)實(shí)話(huà)，就會(huì)受到嚴(yán)厲的懲罰。

　　然后，他叫所有聽(tīng)從妻子的命令和意見(jiàn)的男人都走向大廳的左側(cè)。所有的男人都站到了左側(cè)，只有一個(gè)小個(gè)子男人站到了右側(cè)。

　　國(guó)王說(shuō)：看到我們國(guó)家里還有一個(gè)真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，為什么在他們當(dāng)中只有你一個(gè)人站在大廳的右側(cè)。

　　陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因?yàn)樵谖页鲩T(mén)之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)四：離婚

　　A husband and wife,both 91,stood before a judge,asking for a divorce."I don't understand,"He said,"Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?"

　　the husband explained "Well , you see,We wanted to wait until the children died."

　　有一個(gè)丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官面前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說(shuō)，“你們?yōu)槭裁吹搅诉@把年紀(jì)還要離婚?”

　　丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你是知道的，我們以前是喲等到孩子們都死了。”

　　英語(yǔ)幽默笑話(huà)五：A Man Who Said No 說(shuō)不的男子

　　A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

　　Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

　　At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

　　我的一位朋友看到一個(gè)男子在時(shí)代廣場(chǎng)的地鐵車(chē)站搖搖晃晃地走。那個(gè)人穿著時(shí)髦，敞著懷，一個(gè)手提箱在他的手里懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。

　　我朋友問(wèn)他怎么樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說(shuō)沒(méi)問(wèn)題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨(dú)入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家伙的后面，又一次問(wèn)道：“你肯定你沒(méi)事?你在找哪個(gè)地鐵站?你需要幫忙回家嗎?”

　　他所注意的對(duì)象終于忍耐不住了，對(duì)他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開(kāi)!我是便衣警察!”